I would be lying if I said I was too busy. Lately Ive had nothing to say (pretty sure my mom will faint after reading this). After the past few weeks I am 100 % positive overcoming this will be the hardest thing in my life.

Its torture seeing my weight and confidence go up and down. Most days I dont want to leave my bedroom. Somehow I have to figure out how to face the world, work, and the gym.

Ill be back to blogging next week when I get a better handle on my life. I LOVE everyones sweet comments, emails, and messages. Its so nice to know how many out there are praying for me.

Dont worry Im still reading all yalls blogs for inspiration. Its so awesome how some of us have been through the same situations.

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!

Im so excited I finally feel like its fall!!!

Pumpkin is taking over…

crack in a bottle

found this at Target. SO GOOD!!

Yep its taking over!!

I finally got a chance to get to the state fair!! I know what youre thinking “wow this girl must not get out much”. But believe me, its awesome and a tradition. We were out there for 6 hours!! I think we rode just about every ride!!

view from the chair lift

Yep we were on that

And I got my annual diabetes-causing ball of fried dough

Elephant Ear

I went grocery shopping yeserday!! (yes that excites me)

Look at all that healthy food!! No sugar for this gal

And I discovered this totally awesome food

FROZEN VEGGIE FRIES!!!

I’ve seen other bloggers make carrot/broccoli fries but I can’t cook to save my life. These were super easy to throw on a pan and bake. No prep needed.

with mustard

Update: Im doing pretty good with staying away from the sugary foods that usually lead me bingeing later. Its so harddd!! It really is like an addiction. After learning more about how sugar effects your blood sugar levels and mood I realize why im more inclined to overeat those types of foods. They elevate my sugar levels and make me feel better temporarily. Learning to feel good without food is the real trick. Im still suffering from swelling and joint pain but the doctor says it has to go away on its own time.

Too bad this busy girl doesnt have the luxury of sitting with her feet propped up all day!! What do I look like, a princess? Well okay maybe I do look like one But i dont get to act like one.

I’m in shock at the impact eating a filling breakfast makes. It really sets the tone for how I eat the rest of the day and it keeps my hunger in check. By eating REAL foods (none of that low-carb diet crud) I have fewer headaches and more energy.

mini pizzas- great example of eating what a crave, but not going overboard

MAC AND CHEESE my absolute fav!! I can't believe I tried to live without it

Of course...sprouts and corn with KETCHUP

I could eat a salads everyday for lunch. Spring mix, iceburg, shrooms, red onion, salsa, broccoli sprouts

I love Luna bars!! They're filling and satisfy my sweet tooth

grilled peaches- don't ask where my grandpa gets all these, but I'll sure help him eat them. They are so much better than any candy bar.

I also got the chance to go to a corn maze with my friends this weekend. The weather was perfect and we had so much fun. Unfortunately, since I get lost finding my way to my closet, it took us three hours to get out of that thing.!!But how many times in your life do you get to say you got lost in a corn maze with your friends?

We're cool, we know

Lately I’ve felt God pulling at my heart and last night I finally understood what He’s been trying to say. After 4 years of suffering on and off with eating disorders, I continually asked God why He let this happen? I came to the realization I may never know why, nor do I need to know. It’s not my place to question God, its my job to embrace this pain with the grace and strength He gave me. If I dont truleyy suffer through this rough time, Ill never know what He had planned for me.

My Dad always told me when God allows bad things to happen it’s usually because He’s trying to get your attention.Im sad to say it took an eating disorder to bring me closer to Him. I can see how much my heart has changed since I got sick, especially in the past year. What is few years of suffering on earth if it means changing my heart so I can spend eternity with God?

God is just so stinkin good!!!

Breakfast:

Naked Green Machine

Salad beast with veggies and low fat chicken salad

Finally tried this tea, not my favorite yet but better for me than soda

After picking my sister up from school we swung by Mickey D’s (her choice, not mine) for a snack. She got a burger and PARFAIT (not ice cream!! I guess I’m rubbing off on her?)

Mickey D's fat-free iced coffee and apple dippers

I decided to get a little creative with dinner since I was babysitting

HAPPY PIZZA

SUGAR FREE PUMPKIN BREAD!!

• 1/4 cup whole wheat pastry flour
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/4 teaspoon sea salt
• 1/2 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 cup egg substitute
• 1 teaspoon olive oil
• 1 cup sugar substitute
• 3 ounces pumpkin
• 2 tbsp water
• Bake at 350 for 30ish minutes. Makes 5 thick slices or 10 thin ones (like mine above)

Im off to watch the season finale of Dance Moms and prepare for my first day back at the gym tomorrow (hopefully) after 4 weeks off due to swelling!!!

Favorite new food you tried recently?? What are your philosophies toward food?? Do you find it hard to get back to exercising after time off??

It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.Psalm 18:32-34 NIV

umm hiya remember me??

Lately I’ve been having so much fun just enjoying life!!

I had so much fun hanging out with fam and friends for lil sisters bday party!!

Sister (middle) with me and her friend

My friend and i got stuck downtown, 4 blocks from our car, in the middle of a flood!! Seriously the bottom fell out the sky!!

So what did these smart girls decide to do?? RUN FOR IT. Bad idea. We ended up soaked from head to toe (i was wearing white shorts :/ ) and had to stop at someones house to dry off and wait for the storm to pass. As miserable as it was, it was also a hilarious, once in a lifetime moment I will never forget!! (how many times do you get to run barefoot downtown in the freezing rain with your best frand??)

Ive also been busy being a football fool (dont even try to text me saturday or sunday)and answering emails from YOU!!! I love it!!! All the support and questions I received made me realize how much harder I need to work.

Meeting girls going through the same things as me and seeing how hard they are pushing themselves, made me realize how much harder I need to fight.

I have days where I think it’s just one chip….then the bag is gone.It’s just one brownie…there goes the whole pan. Its just one mistake it will be okay, you will do better tomorrow. Well tomorrow never seems to come!!

Other girls fighting binge eating fight hard everyday and do it!! If they can learn to eat and exercise correctly, so can I!!

All this craziness kind of keeps me distracted from my eating. It also kept me distracted from God. Not saying you shouldnt have fun in life, YOU SHOULD!! God wants us to. For me, when everything is going great, I forget to thank God. Yet I never forget to beg Him for help. The upcoming weeks will be challenging with all my friends super busy, a crazy new boss at work, and a new “diet” plan. I’m going to need Him. The great thing is, even though I feel as though I have abandoned Him for the past 3 weeks, He is still here

Anyway onto the eats!! (oh you mean this is a food blog?) The swelling is almost gone and only comes back after long periods of standing, so I’ve been able to eat a little more variety. I’ve also got a trainer and nutritionist helping me eat right and exercise moderately to lose some weight.

Brussels with ketchup (I may have added more ketchup)

nightime oats (literally in my bed)

Fiber one snack

Publix turkey sub with lettuce, tomato, cuke, honey mustard

I WAS FINALLY REUNITED WITH THIS BEAUTY!! (iced coffee at work pardon the floor plan underneath)

No joke I work across the street from a Starbucks and I always go before work.When I finally went to Starbs to get my coffee the peeps working HUGGED MY NECK!! They thought I was deathly ill or something?? I guess that is the only excuse for me not drinking coffee for 10 days!!

The best part about the flood was the beautiful rainbow afterwards. Beautiful things truly do come out of ugliness!!

Well thats all!! Ive got to get ready for a full day with my BFFL who IS COMING HOME TOMORROW!! WOOOHOOOO!!

Have you ever lied to yourself unintentionally that you were doing what was right, only to later see you werent doing enough?

P.S. I Finally finished My Journey page, hope you guys enjoy it and hopefully can relate. It was actually really theuraputic to write it.

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” 1 Peter 12-13

Have you noticed the world has gone crazy for PUMPKIN lately?? Cake, ice cream, lattes….BAGELS?!!

Publix Pumpkin Pie ice cream

Pumpkin Spice Bagels!!!

Thank you all soo much for the get well wishes!!! You have no idea how much that means to me!! Most of the swelling is gone and hopefully within the next week the rest will go as well!! Please keep it in your prayers.

The only thing that has really bugged me is this new diet. I feel like im starving all the time!! It’s not even a weight loss calorie level, it’s just normal.  I guess it’s because I’ve been overeating for so many months, eating normally doesn’t feel like enough. I’m hoping my tummy will adjust soon. I refuse to give in!!

okay so enough with the bad news. This weekend was Parents Weekend at school , and Columbia was invaded with freshman parents!! That means our already usually busy restaurant was OUT OF CONTROL last night!! In 6 hours we sat 639 people (maybe more)!! We locked the doors at 11 pm and people still wanted in!

I didn’t even get to leave until 1 am and I got there to help set up at 3!! The good news in all this?? My tip share!!

Oh heyyy there new running shoes

Hopefully I’ll get back to running this week if the swelling continues to go down! I wish I had more time to write because I had the most amazing conversation yesterday with a youth director at my church and I cant wait to share!! Unfortunately I have to be at work early in the morning to set up for the festival downtown.

Whats your favorite way to eat pumpkin? Mine is still my grandma’s pumpkin pie!! But all of these recipes come in a close second!!

I have never wanted Starbucks so bad in my life!! I’ll be so glad when I can eat more normal again! Here’s my bland diet today:

Breakfast: HONEYCRISP!!! (finally)

Lunch: Tuna salad sandwich

Dinner: grilled chicken, roasted tomato and broccoli

And for a snack during Jersey shore: cottage cheese and cantaloupe

Feel sorry for me yet??

Just kidding!! I am dealing with a lot of stressful things right now, but Im trying to deal with it as it comes and not blog on it until I really need some advice. In a more positive light….

JERSEY SHORE TONIGHT!!!

Dont give me that look….You know you want to see what happens after Snookis car accident:)

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them” Matthew 6:31-32

Onto WIAW!!! I’m on a low salt diet so today was a little very bland

9:00 iced coffee while watching Ellen DeGeneres (Brad Pitt will be on tomorrow morning!!!) After this morning’s show I cant wait to go see the movie 50/50.

Since Im not allowed to run I did a quick walk before I came back home to sit on my butt with my feet above my head and enjoy a nice yogurty mess.

Yog mess with plain Oikos, Kashi Go Lean Crunch, PB, Raspberries

Insert sitting on my butt and watching TV and boy I worked up an appetite….

1:30:Lunch

Mediterranean Wrap from Jason's Deli

Note: I got about halfway through with my Sun Chips before my mother confiscated them (no salt for me, booo)

5:30 Snack time

Bread with Pb and half a nanner with unpictured apple

8:30: Dinner

"protein tacos" with egg white, lettuce, onion, guac made with greek yog

Cup of Ben and Jerry's Red Velvet cake ice cream SERIOUSLY SO GOOD!!

“The wicked man earns deceptive wages, but he who sows righteousness reaps a sure reward.” Proverbs 11:18

Did anyone else see Demi Lovato on The Ellen Show yesterday?? It was so powerful for me to see her come out and completely honest with the entire world!! Im nervous just sharing my thoughts on my blog.

Its given me the courage to come clean with what happened to me last week. Basically I had a little relapse. I honestly have no idea why right now. It ended with me in the hospital for 2 nights as they monitored me because I was so swollen. Due to taking laxatives 3 days in a row, my body held a lot of water and most of it in my legs. BY Wednesday, my feet were turning blue.

After two nights and two days I was cleared to go. My doctor gave me that look (you know the one) and a very strict plan of what to eat and when. Basically no salt, low carbs, no caffeine, and  lots and lots of water (bye-bye Starbucks). I’m supposed to eat very tiny meals every 2 hours to keep my intestines moving things along. And the best part is sitting with my feet above my head all day

Ive learned my lesson dealing with those things, last time around it was not this serious. According to the doctor every time it can get worse and worse!!

Please pray for my recovery and my clear stubbornness. I can only hope the pain I have felt this week will be in my head if I ever think about doing this again!!

“had never gone into the treatment … I don’t know if one, I’d even be sitting
here today. Two, if I’d be alive today.” Demi Lovato

Its always hard to keep eating correctly when I have so much anxiety over things. I know I mentioned in an earlier post I haven’t being treating my body correctly this week, mostly because I’m under a lot of pressure right now.  I’m determined to forgive myself for a bad week, and vow to make the upcoming one better.

This past week I learned so much and I have seen how God is working in mysterious ways.

Wednesday I took my grandparents to bible study and they begged me to stay! I’m so glad I did because I felt like the pastor was talking directly to me!! He preached from 1 Timothy 4: 1-11. I’ve always wondered how God felt about my eating disorder. The Bible never says anything specifically about them. I know my body is a temple and that gluttony is bad, but I could translate that into “dont overeat and stay thin”. I seriously doubted that is what God wanted.

I was right!! The pastor said God doesn’t want us to over indulge in food, but also doesn’t want physical fitness to be our main goal. If we are so busy focusing on exercise/weight we are not fulfilling the purpose He has for us.

This really opened my eyes. God loves me,He wants me to enjoy things, but not so much I forget to serve him. One day we will leave these bodies behind and the only thing that will matter is if we loved God. Food should not be my idol, but neither should the treadmill or the scale.

Williams Brice is just gorgeous!!

Last night I got to go to the game AND WE WON!!! I also got the chance to hang out with some high school kids while I was there. Since I spent most of high school sick, I always wanted to go back. I’ve never wanted to grow up. NOT ANYMORE!! I forgot how immature high schoolers can be. I love them (my sister is one), but I’m so thankful I am in college. As miserable as I was hanging out with them, I’m glad it happened.

This guy was at the tailgates and was so funny

I’m thankful God was able to open my eyes so many more times this week!! Even though times are really tough right now, I’m reminded its all happening to make me a better person.

As usual I’m open to any advice on my crazy life!! I’m so excited for Dancing with the Stars to start back tomorrow along with a completely new Two and Half Men (with Ashton Kutcher!!)

Off to eat my dinner….

Mac and cheese, rice, tomato, and pinto beans....dont give me that look, its leftover night